2011 was definitely a dynamic year for me. I learned so much about the art world, people and most importantly myself. I started the year off jobless, broke as shit but happy with my love life. Not until the week of my birthday did the chaos and pain of 2011 start. My grandfather passed away December 16 ,2010 so the wounds were still open when the year started. After that, January was a back to back train of unfortunate events that started off the course of the year. The 2nd week of January is when everything started to happen and the day of my birthday is when everything went down. My step father almost died from heart failure and had to get surgery, my brother’s appendix burst and he had to be rushed to the hospital and my then lover who I was crazy about, broke my heart by confessing he wanted to be with someone else. On top of that I had to support my friend Edgar’s first gallery show in the LES, which was the hardest moment for me because not only did I have to fake a smile the whole time but hold my tears from falling and flooding the venue. The worst birthday ever!!!!! It’s crazy how that week still affects me till this day…the heartbroken part the most. I ended up getting the teaching job I have now by the end of January and dropped pursuing fashion design. I decided in mid February that I was going to give my all to my artistic side and till this day that is the best decision I’ve made yet!
I started off 2011 with a handful of friends, some I’ve had for years. As the year went along a lot of them started dropping out of my life-like flies…let me just say I gave them rope to either hang with me or hang themselves. Now I’m ending 2011 with only 2 REAL friends and I’m very content with that! I was also challenged to take on the art of forgiveness and letting go. I ended 2010 very angry, hurt, confused and enraged, so 2011 I was a wreck. Crazy thing is I thought I was fine until I was faced with my demons. Facing what you fear or should I say…what hurts you/what has hurt you, takes a lot of strength and will power to over come. Everyone told me I was crazy to talk to “Canary” again and to try to rekindle a friendship with “Diva”, someone who stabbed me in the back. I honestly had high hopes for things to get better between them two and I but instead of that actually happening, what I have learned from the second time around was getting over it. Dropping my anger and animosity towards them and taking it with a grain of salt. There’s still something about Canary that drives my heart crazy, but some things aren’t meant to be, no matter how hard you try. As for Diva, lets just say we’re not enemies.
2011 has been a very emotional year for me. I try to not be so emotional because I find that a weak trait, but as I engage more and more into my emotions I feel more like an “adult”. I feel in control and focus more now than ever before. I’m gaining my confidence back and realizing my actual worth. I’m truly one that cherishes the elements that money can not buy and I appreciate the special connections I have with others. Working as a teacher this past year with children ages 6-11, has really helped me find out who I am. Children are truly extraordinary and they as well as us adults don’t even understand how special each and every one of them are. I’m always talking about being real and straight up….yes every child is different, and growing but they’re the realest beings on this planet! They may not understand a lot because they are children, but they all hold the power to know good from bad, to be honest, to be considerate of others and how to wear their heart on their sleeve without losing themselves. You may think I’m crazy, but my kids have taught me a lot about myself and because of them I feel like I’m becoming a better person.
Speaking of good people, 2011 has brought some amazing women into my life. People I wouldn’t have thought in a million years would be calling me a friend. Women who I thought were completely different and come to find out their as broken, scared, and as bruised as I am. I have always been a tomboy, never mingled very much with girls because I didn’t like how sissy they acted and I just never fit in because I wasn’t girlie. I’m still not very “girlie”, but I’m a lady now so I naturally act the part and engage more into my feminine side.I never cared for having girlfriends, but 2011 has made me so grateful for the ones I’ve made. Having girlfriends is awesome!! I can open up and feel comfortable…feel understood and knowledgeable about my body, mind and soul. It’s not just me wondering to myself anymore, I have great women I can turn to and talk to about anything now. It’s truly amazing!
2011 gave me a little taste of what to look forward to when my hard work and dedication are recognized and appreciated. During the summer I met someone that lifted my spirits like no one else. Gave the courage to think big and see ” it is possible “. His belief in me gave me back the drive to make shit happen! To believe in myself again….to believe I’m worth it.
I’m planning on taking 2012 by storm! Nothing is going to stop me from getting where I wanna go. To start off I plan to get my passport by January as well as my driving license. Next will hopefully be moving into my own place again and getting a car by late February/early March. I have plans on throwing a few artist group shows/ parties as well as my own solo exhibit. I think I wanna start it off with my birthday as the first one but we’ll see. 2012 is going to be great! I can feel it and I know it. I’m simple so my resolution for 2012 is simply 3 wishes…1. to maintain good health, 2. gain success and 3. find love.
This will be the last post I will be writing in 2011. I just wanted to thank you all for your support and sincere love you all showed me this year. I want to shout out a few people who have brought nothing but good into 2011 for me ; Melissa Arce [my husband till art do us part], Zultari Gomez, Jennifer Hernandez, Pia Lindsay, Richard Memminger, Kamaal Fareed, Chevy Marie, Merisi M51, Daniel Garcia,Valerie Cueto, Marko Velk, Jade[Alieen] Honeycutt, Sara Gonzales, Stephanie Arenas, Edgar Zorilla, and Jorge Urbaez. I hope you all have a great New Year’s Eve and see you all in 2012.